I remember Diarmuid’s words. “You are worthless Ryanne, not good for anything not even breeding.” Then he would slap me so hard across the face I would fall to my knees. He laughed at me and would kick me. He would say “I will be back for you later, I may even bring a friend or two with me.” Then he would laugh as he left me laying on the floor gasping from the pain. The tears kept coming and the pain felt raw all over again. “I will NEVER be with another male, nor will he lay a hand on me, I am ruined and would never be worthy even if I wanted a male which I definitely don’t!” Knowing I should tell Lhanna all the things that were done to me; the things he and those other males did that caused me such pain and suffering. That way I would be sure I would not be given to another male since I am damaged goods.
Waking to a soft knock at my door, I sit up and hear Lhanna; “Ryanne are you up?” I call to her, “Come in Lhanna, sorry I do not know why I slept so late.” Watching as she pokes her head around the door and smiles at me. Telling me first repast is ready and if I wanted some to come join her and Calin. I smile back as my eyes burn thinking of all the time we have missed. Getting out of bed I tell her I will be right there. I head in the bathroom to take care of necessities. After washing my hands and running a brush through my hair, I head out to the kitchen. Smiling the best I can, feeling my face heat up, “Good morning Lhanna, Calin” I know my cousin said Calin is a worthy male, but I am still nervous and intimidated. Taking a deep breath, I blurt out what I need to say, “Lhanna I would speak to you privately so you will understand what I have to ask of you.”
LHANNA: Softly tapping on Ryanne’s door, I slowly open it and peek inside. Seeing her sitting up I step into the room smiling and let her know that the repast has been prepared and she should come join us. I can only hope with a lot of love, understanding and her feeling secure, the haunted look will leave my cousins eyes. She looks at me with such hope. So much love; I will not let her down. I will never allow her to be a victim again. Hearing her tell me she will be out shortly I nod telling her we will wait for her and I leave the room.
A few minutes later, Ryanne walks into the kitchen, says good morning to us and with eyes downcast, face turning red and says she wants to tell me what she has been through. Oh dear Goddess! Am I actually ready to hear this?? But this is not about me; it’s about my cousin and her being able to heal mentally as well as physically. Looking at Calin with a small smile, he gives me a barely discernable nod. He knows she and I need to be alone for this heart wrenching conversation.
CALIN: “Good evening Ryanne.” Hearing the words come spilling out in a rush, I feel Lhanna’s eyes on me. Giving her a slight nod, I get to my feet, taking my plate loaded with scrambled cheese eggs, bacon, sausage, home fries and 3 English muffins, I make my way to the door, whistling for the dogs. “Baby I’ll be down at Viho’s. You need anything you just call, all right??” Seeing Lhanna smile, I wink, pucker my lips in an air kiss and leave the females to talk.
RYANNE: “Good evening Calin” Smiling at him, he then looks over to Lhanna who gives him a quick nod, he takes his plate and leaves with it. Sitting down at the table I take a plate and place a small amount of scrambled eggs, sausage and home fries. Pouring a glass of orange juice, I take a sip, put the glass down and turn to Lhanna. “I wanted to tell you things that have happened so you can understand my frame of mind at times.” Looking into her eyes, “Last night while I feed from Tomas, I was afraid he was going to pull away and hit me, I kept eyeing the knife on the table. Diarmuid let me feed once, but only to pull away and punch me for being greedy. After you left me in my room to rest, something woke me. I was on my way to the living room to watch TV when I heard noises from your room, the door wasn’t closed all the way.” Turning red I continue, “I thought he was hurting you and almost came in to help you. Then he said he loved you.” Looking down trying to find the right words. “Lhanna, it was always painful and I didn’t like it. But... but you seemed like you were enjoying it; does it not hurt when Calin takes you?” My eye’s stare straight ahead, drifting back to the first time. “The first time Dairmuid had come into my room, he just threw me over the side of the bed on my stomach, pulling my dress up and ripped off my under garments. He pushed into me so hard I screamed with the pain, it felt like my insides were ripped apart. I bled for hours after he left me there crying. Every time he touched me it hurt and if I cried he would hit me. He made me take it in my mouth and he would laugh as I gagged when he came. I could not stand the smell of him or his touch. After a while he only starting coming around once or twice a month. Then it was only to see if I was in CT. When I never took with a childing, he beat me.” I pause as the visions and the pain flash through my mind; swallowing I continue on. “Then he started bringing his friends into my room and he would watch as they raped me Lhanna.” whispering, “in both places.” I could feel the tears running down my face, I feel so ashamed. “After a while I just went numb to everything and just layed there. Thats when the beatings got worse; he said I did not appreciate everything he had given me.” Taking a sip of the juice trying to swallow the lump in my throat. I cannot look at Lhanna so I continue on
One of the guards, Dooley Martin, had given me a dagger for protection knowing what had been going on. Diarmuid came to me one night, drunk as usual ready to beat me just because.. As Diarmuid stood over me with his fist raised, ready to punch me, I lunged up at him and I stabbed him in his black heart.” Finally looking up at Lhannas’ face, “I NEVER want to feel a males hands on me EVER again! Promise me Lhanna... you HAVE to promise you will never give me to another male!!!!” Jumping up from the table sobbing uncontrollably, I race down the hall back to my room
LHANNA: My cousin begins to tell me how she was restless and couldn’t sleep. Oh dear Goddess! She had heard Calin and I the previous day and she had thought the worst. Thank goodness she hadn’t come in to my “rescue.” Feeling my face turn crimson at her next comment about enjoying it. All I can do is nod at her and say “Yes, sweetie I do.” She continues on and her next words fill me with a rage that caused my fists to clench at my sides. She was just a girling, when that bastard father of hers sold her! The tears are burning behind my eyes. Her story continues to get worse. Gang raped, sexually abused, and beaten. The tears fall freely from my eyes; for Ryanne and all that she suffered. My head is spinning as I try and grasp all that my sweet cousin is telling me!! Ryanne who use to run barefoot chasing the butterflies while I practiced with my sword. Sweet Ryanne; her innocence taken so maliciously. I am going with the squad to Ireland to investigate what is left of this shit bags farmstead and family. I will burn the damn place down to the ground myself for Ryanne. My tears fall freely. A feeling of pride fills me as mo chol ceathrair <my cousin> tells me how she finally fought back and killed the pathetic excuse for a male. The Baobhan-Sith blood runs through her veins. What she did took guts. Finally looking up at me, her face red and streaked with tears. Her eyes haunted. The next thing out of her mouth has me so floored, I’m frozen to the spot. “I NEVER want to feel a males hands on me EVER again! Promise me Lhanna... you HAVE to promise you will never give me to another male!!!!” It took a second for it to register. Tearing after her down the hall, how could she think I would ever “give her away???”
Reaching her door I find her curled into a tight ball clutching something to her chest. Walking toward the bed, wiping the tears from my eyes I gently get up on the bed next to her and began stroking her hair off of her face. Clutched in her arms is the rag doll I had given her for her many so very long ago! She still has it after all this time. New pain washes over me for Ryanne; she will have her due and those males who violated her will die by my own hand. THIS I swear. Leaning against the headboard, I gather her to me; “Ryanne, sweetie. I would never, ever “give’ you to any male no one here will. Females CHOOSE their mates and if you don’t want one that is ok too.” We cried together. Rubbing her back and making soothing sounds, I want her to know she is safe, protected and loved and nothing or no one will ever harm her again...
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